Values in Action
I have written about my belief in the importance of values-oriented coaching. It was coincidental that, around the same time I was writing that, I encountered something that reminded me of how my values impact my everyday coaching. While I hope to not come across as too intense, having your emotions come up is a good sign you’re in touch with values that really matter to you. The thing I encountered was a t-shirt emblazoned with what can easily be considered a provocative message.
In order for me to talk about what this t-shirt’s message means to me, I need to first talk about who I am and how that impacts my interpretation.
Given the name of this Substack, you may have gathered that I care a lot about inspiration. There’s a quotation from CEO and leadership expert Jennifer Garvey Berger I think of often. Her quotation summarizes a great deal about my sense of inspiration.
So much of leadership ability is about how other people experience themselves in your presence. A great leader has a presence that makes other people bigger.
Inspiring, to me, is an act of awakening and supporting self-belief in others. When I coach, it’s very important to me that players in my care feel they can become more than they currently are. This is where my connection to that t-shirt begins. But there’s another belief of mine at play too.
I strongly believe that language matters. This belief is rooted in more than just emotion or in “say what you mean and mean what you say” sentiments. It’s rooted in the field of discourse analysis, particularly the work of James Paul Gee. He takes the position that language does much more than just communicate information. He says that language also allows people to do things and be things. How I use language can encourage or discourage behaviors, it can also include others in my group or exclude them from my group. So how I use language is an important part of how I inspire others.
Why does a t-shirt that says “resist gender norms” give me a chance to put my values around language into practice? Because, according to discourse analysis, norms are things that can be affected by how people use language. The words I use make a difference in what I and others believe is possible, acceptable, or expected when we work together. Often people use language in a way that unintentionally reinforces norms that work against what they actually intend to do.
(Now’s when I really start getting on my soap box.)
You know one word that reinforces norms that I don’t want to reinforce? Girls. (Keep in mind that I’m talking from the perspective of a coach of mostly college and later in high school female athletes.) Even though it is a gender-neutral term, I believe the word kids plays the same role as girls. Those words allow me, and those that hear me use them, to infantilize the people I’m working with. Those words allow me to treat people as though they need to be sheltered and spoon-fed. Sheltering people from discomfort and failure isn’t very inspirational. Supporting them as they persevere through challenges is. If I say the athletes I work with are just girls, I lower the expectations I (and they) have because saying girls says they’re not ready to take control of their actions yet. That’s not a norm I want to support so I refer to them as athletes and as players. Those words may not roll off the tongue as easily but I’d rather use more syllables and support more autonomy.
Speaking of autonomy, you know another word that reinforces norms I don’t want to reinforce? Mine. Really, what I’m getting at is coaches’ pervasive use of possessives when referring to players and teams they work with. I usually speak of “teams/athletes I coach” or “players in my care”. I’m not comfortable with speaking in a way that suggests ownership or dominance over the people I work with. You know which gender overwhelmingly coaches female athletes, especially the most skilled athletes? Men. As someone who identifies as a man, I’m even more uncomfortable with perpetuating the norm that men are usually socially dominant over women. As with the previous example, it leads to some more awkward sentence structures but I’ll take that trade if it means creating environments in which female athletes are seen as being on equal footing as their male coaches.
My use of language is one way I express my values of inspiration and autonomy support in my everyday coaching. Another way I work to inspire and encourage others to grow is how I treat risk-taking. Interestingly, this also ties into that t-shirt. Team sports is just one area in which the norms for women are to be obedient and compliant. You know what we call explicit, codified norms? Rules. You know which gender society treats worse when they break rules? Women. As a result, women often feel far less comfortable taking risks in sports because they regularly see themselves treated more harshly when they run afoul of the rules. I admit, that might sound like a stretch. But, when I hear podcasts like Choiceology talk about the research around gender differences and risk-taking (link below), I feel like I need to pay attention to how I approach risk-taking in a wide array of settings.
As (until recently) a collegiate indoor volleyball coach, I have seen NCAA women’s rules around ball handling shift in the last few years, generally in the direction of the men’s game. I can’t help but notice how people (mostly coaches, mostly male) react negatively to the changes in ball handling. Some of these responses can be explained by people’s general discomfort with change in general, but I think some of the responses can be explained as discomfort around the freedom being granted to players to play in a more athletic, physical style. There are two types of contacts that show this.
The second team contact, the set, is no longer held to the same strict standards as it was previously. Coaches complain about how setters don’t have to be as technically skilled anymore because of the rule change. I see their complaints as being about losing control of their kids. If the setter doesn’t have to be as skilled but can compensate with their speed and athleticism, they aren’t as dependent on a coach to train them. The player is more free to use their abilities. Let them be more athletic without having to be perfect. Let them make athletic plays that don’t meet your standards of technical beauty. So I’m going to coach athletes to go for it, even if it feels beyond what they can do technically. That’s supporting them when they take risks. It’s also resisting norms.
Standards around the third team contact have shifted recently as well. Players are now given more leeway around throwing, jamming, power tipping, or whatever you’d like to call it. Coaches complain because it isn’t pure. You know what else it isn’t? Soft. Delicate. You know, norms for women. Female athletes are stronger now than ever before. I want them to feel free to use that strength. I’m not going to be someone who judges big, strong, athletic women harshly when they do big, strong, athletic things.
I’m going to support female athletes as they risk having rules used against them. In sport, rules should exist to maintain a fair environment for competitors. But when the rules limit athletes that have outgrown them, it’s time to change the rules. That’s what NCAA rules committees have done. Now it’s time for me as a coach to bring norms into alignment with the rules. So I’m going to coach athletes to play big and play strong, even when they’re afraid that others don’t like it when they are big and strong.
I have a story to tell you about how I bring my values into my coaching. I was having a preseason meeting with parents of a team of teenage female athletes. I asked them if their daughters were the tallest people in their friend groups or in their classes. Lots of heads nodded in agreement. I asked them about their daughters’ posture when they were at school or hanging out. Lots of heads sagged. I asked them if they noticed how their daughters’ posture changed when they came to volleyball practice. More nods. The gym was a place where it was okay for them to be tall. Those few hours in practice were often the only times when their daughters felt comfortable in their own bodies. I said one of my primary goals for the season wasn’t winning a tournament but for their daughters to feel that comfortable in their own bodies everywhere. Quite literally taking from the quotation at the top, I wanted them to feel bigger.
There are many ways to bring out your values in how you actually coach in practices and competitions but it all starts with these big ideas about how you’re going to treat people. Does my use of language automatically create a more just world? No, but that’s not what this is about anyways. This is about coaching in ways that express my values. Coaching in authentic ways also doesn’t guarantee I’ll win more, but it does make me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. That’s the point of values-oriented coaching. You don’t do it because it’s going to get you something. You do it because it helps you express what you believe really matters.
Here’s a link to the episode of Choiceology I mentioned above.
For the record, I saw the t-shirt at a store in Lincoln, Nebraska called RAYGUN. The store is not for the faint of heart but wow, is it fun.